23 September 2001, 15:47 GMT

Fifty-three year old boot scrubber criticises programmers for "not knowing how good they've got it".

At a recent gathering of alcoholic beverage consumers at the Pig & Ferret public house in Lower Scumsbury, England, fifty-three year old scrubber of boots Milly Coddle loudly complained: "Them programmers, I mean ooh d'they think are? They just don't know 'ow good they've got it!"

Encouraged by nods and murmers of agreement from those listening, she added: "I mean, them programmers, they all thinks they's better than us, but I tell you, give one of them a wire brush and a boot to scrub, and I tell you they wouldn't have a clue."

There was a cheer of agreement. The outspoken Miss Coddle's message of dissent has caused waves of discomfort in the programming fraternity, with reports of higher management even being "given the push" in light of her startling revelations. Junior programmers and interns have even been seen "crying in the streets" following this shocking news.

The British Computer Society (BCS) has been quick to respond, sensing that a major crisis could result from Miss Coddle's rumbustious lambasture. This morning, BCS spokesman William Forwardslash-Brown spoke before a concerned-looking crowd of programmers:

"Gentle folk of the programming world, I sense your unease. I understand that given this recent attack on our profession, that our livelihoods may well be at risk. Well, I would simply suggest that the erstwhile Miss Milly Coddle should question her own motives in these accusations. And furthermore, we propose a small experiment to settle this dangerous dispute once and for all."

"Miss Coddle," he continued, "we propose to supply you with a programmer to help you for one whole day in your own noble, bootscrubbing profession. We will prove to you that your accusations are entirely unfounded. In return, we would invite you to join a software company of our choosing, and spend the day programming. I'm sure you will find that it's not all just drinking coffee, complaining to people how busy you are and trading the latest buzzwords and acronyms with your co-workers."

At the time of going to press, Miss Coddle was unavailable for comment (her sister, Lambretta Coddle, claimed that Milly was "nursing one bitch of a hangover", and would be late in for work that afternoon).

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